Power

Stepping into MY Power

Your trauma is a part of who you are. It is not all of who you are. It has taken me a very thislong time to reach the point. I thought that love telling me I was not good enough was what love was supposed to be. After going to therapy and unlearning the negative thoughts patterns I had accepted.

It’s been almost a full year since I have found my freedom. Freedom, like healing, is MESSY!

In this time I have identified, acknowledged, and begun to address my trauma, I know this is the beginning.

I’ve worked through the years of lies, I’ve accepted the manipulation, I’ve rejected the insults, the back handed compliments, the reminders of the ways I was not good enough, that disapproving looks, the lack of reassurance and affirmation, and a “love” that sought only what it could take from me, the feeling that my body was something that had to be changed in order to be loved. I had to admit that I settled for a person that was lesser than and a situation that I didn’t not feel I had the power to change. 

People saw all around me what I wasn’t able to. Sometimes I find myself blaming them. But it was no ONE person’s fault. I wanted to be saved so badly but I didn’t know I was hurting so internally. I was fixated on fixing a broken person.  Which was just breaking me. 

I made some changes. I stopped seeing myself through the lens that was forced upon me. I stopped internalizing the words. I no longer wanted the affection that only came from intoxication or begging. I have made the decision not to hate myself .

I demanded change, a change that wasn’t going to happen. I had to let go but couldn’t. It was hard. I learned that darkness will be present in the people you least expect it from. I quit trying to prove my worth to someone who was not worthy of me.

I recognize my pain and will not allow myself to forget it. I’ve allowed my emotional trauma to be brought to light and made public. I traded in shame for adoration. I just STOPPED. And when I did I could finally breathe again.

I am starting to focus now. I want to move past all of this. Let it all go. 

I am taking some time now. It’s hard to undo the damage that has been done but I WILL keep trying. 

So through is all, I began to believe in myself, my magic, and my power all over again.

I confirmed the love I deserve and I am worthy to have. I’m free. I’m going to be happy again. I’m still a mess but this doesn’t determine WHO I am, but instead, an experience I had.

I am becoming filled with LOVE again.